you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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