Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
