I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
