did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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