that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
