I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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