I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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