I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
