He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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