Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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