i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
