Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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