Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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