Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
