Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
