so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize