Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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