If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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