I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
