i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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