Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
