Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
