Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize