I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize