so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
no, he came in my armpit
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
