I am in a vortex of obligation.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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