His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
