do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You don't make any sense
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