I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
