I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
