Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
