I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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