I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
