I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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