I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Randomize
