She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
