I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
