Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
