Who did Billy Mays play for?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
