I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
