I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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