the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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