cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
where are my eyebrows?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize