Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
