I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
