Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
