remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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