i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize