My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize