Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Randomize
