i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I checked into jail on foursquare
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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