hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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