Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
