69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
