My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
