So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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