I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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