I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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