WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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