Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
