hell yes lets make some ravioli
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
