just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You can't just leave with hair like that
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
