You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
