That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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