Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
