Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
