I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just invented taco cereal.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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