At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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