I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
