today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
