i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
