ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
