Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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