I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
