im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
