The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
it's like heaven, but drunker
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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